I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
