You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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