every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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