i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
