Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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