i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize