Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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