Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
