I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
