I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
