Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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