From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
