Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize