So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish i was in the wii world.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
