I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize