i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
