Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
