Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
