I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
