god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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