Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
