Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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