Got a toothbrush?
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
