The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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