The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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