Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
