Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
