What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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