I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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