fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
