I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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