tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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