I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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