You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
