DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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