Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
