I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
