u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
