can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize