dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
