Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
