I need help removing her.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
