recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
