I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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