someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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