I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
