i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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