And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
