i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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