Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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