At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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