i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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