High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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