What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
