i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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