thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
