I've blown a few things in my day
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
