the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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