we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
