There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
