Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
