u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
