I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone came in the potted fern
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
