it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
