I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
