today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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