She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
