3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
