I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
