New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
