Pants 0. Shit 1.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize