You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize