Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
