Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
