If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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